Neuticles: Fake Balls For Neutered Dogs

Dog with three tennis balls in his mouth
Photo Credit: cutglassdecanter cc
We used to think they were crazy, but now we see they’re nuts. Neuticles, the testicular implants for dogs and other pets, seemed like a bad joke when they were introduced in 1995. These days they’re still a joke, but one that is catching on all over the place. The company claims over 500,000 pets have been “Neuticled” – that comes out to over one million fake balls “served.”

As weird as this product seems, it’s easy to understand its appeal. People (men in particular, for some reason) have a hard time with the idea of castrating their dogs. At the same time, we’re constantly reminded of the importance of spaying and neutering. Neuticles take some of the ooginess out of this necessary procedure.

But do dogs really care if they have a full sack? The inventor of Neuticles recently told the Huffington Post that boy dogs psychologically need their testicles. He suggests that testicle implants will help your dog remain the same old pet after sterilization.

Of course, a lot of owners want to change their male dog’s personality. Neutering gets rid of those raging hormones that lead to aggression (along with other bad behavior like marking and humping). The question is whether having something in his sack will offset some of the behavioral benefits of neutering. If so, perhaps you could go back for a smaller pair? Just a thought.

Neuticles come in different models, ranging in price from $120 for the basic set to $1200 for a pair of UltraPluses. The high-end model is described as the “softest most natural implant possible.” Why would dog owners be willing to pay top dollar for fake dog testicles that are perfect in every detail? Some questions are best left unanswered.

Actually, there is one valid reason that springs to mind. If your dog only needs one nut replaced for whatever reason, you might want to go for the expensive model (yes, Neuticles are sold individually). Otherwise, your dog might end up with an unsightly mismatch.

If you’re squeamish about having your dog castrated, there are a couple of alternatives that don’t involve purchasing prosthetic testes. For example, vasectomies work just as well on dogs as they do on humans. Chemical castration is another option that seems to be gaining popularity. But then, both of these options come with their own downsides as well.

Laugh about fake dog balls all you want, but the inventor makes a solid point when he says his product has encouraged more people to get their dogs neutered. Anything that lowers the number of unwanted dogs in the world is probably a net good.

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