Spoiled Rotten Pets: Where Does Your Dog Rank?

Think your dog is spoiled? You ain’t seen nothing.

A new television show on Nat Geo Wild throws a spotlight on pet owners who go to extreme (some might say psychotic) lengths to pamper their animals. Spoiled Rotten Pets profiles things like day spas for pigs, dog psychics, and Bark-Mitzvahs (yep, Bar Mitzvahs for dogs).

After watching some previews for the show, we’re not sure it’s fair to call these pets spoiled rotten. That suggests that the animals have a bad attitude because of the special treatment they’re getting. In fact, they don’t seem to give a shit about whatever it is their crazy owners are up to.

Two Yorkshire Terriers dressed in designer clothes
Can we chase rats now?

But that’s what pampering your pet is all about, isn’t it? It’s not really about the animals. The dog doesn’t like wearing a sweater. The cat won’t get her feelings hurt if you forget her birthday. The pig doesn’t care whether he’s at a spa or a sty (as long as you keep the food pellets coming). It’s all about making the humans feel good.

Of course, most people spoil their pet to some degree. Still, there’s a difference between a little harmless mollycoddling and the sort of bizarre behavior featured on Nat Geo’s new show. To find out where your dog falls on the spectrum, take the following test.

For each of these things you do – or have done at least once in the past – give yourself the specified number of points. Add up your points and see where your dog falls on the Rottenness Scale below.

Spoiled Dog Test

PointsDo You… ?
1Let your dog on the furniture
1Give your dog treats (+1 point if 3 or more treats per day)
1Take your dog along for rides
1Let your dog sleep on the bed
1Buy your dog toys
1Give your dog soft and/or organic dog food
1Give your dog filtered water (+1 point if it’s bottled water)
2Save leftovers for your dog
2Cook for your dog, or order extra food at a restaurant
2Celebrate your dog’s birthday
3Go for a drive for the sole purpose of taking your dog for a ride
3Avoid taking vacations that would require you to kennel your dog or get a sitter
3Arrange play dates for your dog
4Dress your dog up for Halloween
4Routinely dress your dog just for fun
4Hang a stocking for your dog at Christmas
5Maintain a blog, Facebook page, or other online presence for your dog (+1 point if you post updates in the dog’s voice)
5Have your dog on a raw, vegan, or other trendy diet
5Send your dog to a doggy day spa
10Consult a pet psychic
10Throw a “Bark Mitzvah” or similar cultural event for your dog

Rottenness Scale

0-5Down-to-Earth Doggy
6-10Slightly Spoiled
11-15Solidly Spoiled
16-20Rotten to the (Dog) Bone
21+Full on Doggy Diva

How rotten is your perfect little angel? Feel free to share (we won’t judge).

Spoiled Rotten Pets premieres on Saturday, April 21 (check your local listings). For more information, check out this Reuters article and the following funny video promo: